Aug. 4th, 2017 07:47 am
kinoface: (嵐:きっと NO REASON!)
After writing yesterday's post, I sat down and came up with a very specific, very detailed three-day meal plan to enact some things I've been wanting to try, like moving my daily veggies to lunch so I'm getting mostly protein for dinner, and then I went grocery shopping. Didn't have a very good day emotionally but did have a good day as far as sticking to my plan/schedule.

I also decided to take myself back down to 14 units of insulin, because when I was on 14 units I got the best results even though they weren't perfect because I was still figuring out some diet stuff. I decided to do this because, as I mentioned yesterday, I've been reading about rebound highs and how your number can be high in the morning if your sugar drops too low during the night.

So the main things were: Mostly protein for dinner. 14 units of insulin.


My number this morning was fucking perfect.

Obviously this was just one day so it could have been a fluke or whatever re: the protein thing, but I definitely don't think it's a coincidence that I haven't gotten a single good number with 18 units of insulin and going back down to 14 immediately made an improvement. Liiiike I'm not about to give up on doctors entirely or whatever but come the fuck on!!!!!

Anyway so I'm feeling very accomplished this morning as I sip my coffee, and in a few hours I have an ultrasound so I get to see Lentl today, and even if I have another bad number tomorrow, I will know that I've made some kind of progress and this whole stupid thing isn't as hopeless as it has seemed for weeks.


Jul. 28th, 2017 11:26 pm
kinoface: (嵐:きっと NO REASON!)
31 weeks as of tomorrow!

Gestational diabetes continues to kick my ass. My insulin dosage has now been upped AGAIN (twice total) and I'm still only getting good morning numbers about half the time, which I guess is an improvement from none of the time, but still: what the fuck.

Also, having a strict diet and a very slim food budget means I'm basically eating the same three meals every day and it's starting to make me crazy. Today I cried about it. That's the stupidest thing to get upset over but the whole thing is just incredibly frustrating, especially on top of other frustrating things that I don't feel like getting into. OH WELL.

Also also: I found out at my last appointment that because of the diabetes, I'm going to be induced at 39 weeks!! Yikes!!!! I'm actually kind of relieved because one of the things I've been worrying about is like... going into labor on campus or having my water break in the middle of class or something. But being induced means we'll be able to schedule a day, and that means being more prepared, and I always like being more prepared for things!! Also ... I really don't know if they'll let me pick the day, but my original due date is September 30, and September 25 is approximately one week before that, so......... I might have already talked about this here, but September 25 is the day my mom died and is also the birthday of my dear, very beloved friend H whom I hadn't seen in years and then he was finally in town and when we met up I was complaining about period cramps except my period never showed up and I later realized those were implantation cramps, meaning: the night I saw him was literally the night I became pregnant. So I have been joking to him this whole time that he's the reason it happened, that the little egg floating around my uterus saw him and decided this was a good world to be born into. So, yes: September 25 would be an amazing day for Lentl to be born, and I don't know if it's possible but I'm definitely going to ask about it when the time comes.

Finally: this baby moves SO. MUCH. SO MUCH!!!

Things not related to pregnancy:

My dad invited me over and I could tell he Wanted To Talk so I was extremely anxious, but it turns out he had good news: he and his girlfriend (whom I like a lot) are getting married. :D :D :D

Took a small break from Elementary, but now I'm hooked on it again.

My big fic project is coming along very slowly, mostly because the time I could spend working on it is usually spent napping or playing a dumb game on my phone or watching Elementary or just lying in bed staring at the dog, etc.

I'm now done working, and it's about a month before I start going back to school, and that means I'm slowly but surely losing my fucking mind just like I do every summer when I have nothing to do and absolutely no disposable income to distract me from the fact that I have nothing to do. Eventually I'm gonna have to start going to the doctor twice a week and honestly I can't wait.

Ummmmmmmm I think that's it. It's been a rough couple of days but I continue to be mostly okay. I hope you are all also doing well. <3<3<3<3<3


Jul. 16th, 2017 10:38 pm
kinoface: (☾:Usagi: ehhh!?)
29 weeks! That means 11 weeks to go! Yikes!!!!!

I gotta say: gestational diabetes is a pain in the ass. WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT? complaints complaints complaints )

OTHER THAN THAT, I'm tired a lot and my hips hurt like crazy and I've got some gnarly stretch marks on my stomach. Also my hair is thicker and my nails grow faster. Also I feel huge but people constantly tell me I look really small for seven months, so??? Also here is a list of things I cannot wait to eat again:

→ a salami sandwich
→ runny eggs
→ a cold beer
→ smoked salmon on a bagel

... Anyway.

Been watching a lot of Elementary. Like A LOT. It's really fun and I'm enjoying it a lot.

I have been to the dentist a lot recently and all of the appointments have been fine except for one which was the only one not with my usual dentist and, whether this is coincidental or not, it was terrible in every way and the teeth in question still hurt which is impressive particularly because they didn't actually hurt before the appointment and I have some regret-like feelings of dread that I'm going to move on from now okay yes good.

About to start my last week of work, which is bad because that means no more money but is good because I am feeling very tired and overwhelmed recently, so more me time sounds like a great idea.

I'm working on a fic thing and it's a big project and I am planning on finishing it by Jun's birthday but we'll see.

... This is a very complainy post but overall I'm doing pretty okay. It's just that the frustrating things are really, really frustrating. I'm going to end this post now but I love you all!!!


Jun. 26th, 2017 09:03 pm
kinoface: (☾:Ami: well actually...)
→ 26 weeks, aka six and a half months, aka SO CLOSE YET SO FAR??

→ I think the last time I posted we were worrying about possible abnormalities, but since then we've gone to a fancy diagnostic place where the doctor did his fancy ultrasound stuff and told us there's no evidence of anything abnormal. VERY, VERY GOOD NEWS. GOOD JOB DEVELOPING NORMALLY, LENTL!!

→ My own body, however, is doing less good. It turns out that I do have gestational diabetes. Pretty much all the women on my mom's side of the family have had it, so it was basically inevitable that I would get it, which sucks, but whatever. Now I have to poke myself four times a day to measure my blood sugar, and I have to write down and time everything I eat, and certain things I can only have at certain times of the day... It's a hassle. WORTH IT, of course, because it is for my and Lentl's health, but still kind of a pain. Right now I'm struggling with figuring out what to eat before bed to ensure that my waking-up numbers aren't too high, which they have been for the last week and a half. If I can't find a way to get them down, I might have to start taking medicine, and I really really don't want to do that, so... fingers crossed! My current theory is that I just need a ton of protein, so tonight I'm gonna try a peanut butter sandwich and a hard-boiled egg. FINGERS CROSSED.

→ Have been tutoring, and it's been going well. I missed it.

→ However: today I had my last appointment with a private tutoring student, but I will still be tutoring in the writing lab, and all of this is a bit of a relief because I was starting to get slightly overwhelmed with having to go out into the world every single day. Now I will only have to go out into the world on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and then whenever my various one million appointments are. I definitely need to have SOME kind of going-out obligation, because otherwise I will lie in bed forever and waste away, but I am getting to a point energy-wise where every day is a little too much. Also, moving around is becoming more and more difficult as I get bigger and bigger. My tummy now sticks out past my boobs, which I assure you is a milestone, and I've definitely started waddling.

→ We think we have a name!!! I don't want to share it yet because it's not for sure, but we both find ourselves using it instead of Lentl sometimes, and I think it feels right to both of us. :D

→ FANDOM THINGS: NinoEx!!! Performance (that I haven't watched yet but have downloaded and am looking forward to)!!!! Nino's haircut is glorious!!! Ohno is glorious!!!! They are all glorious!!!! GLORIOUS!!!!

→ I think ... that is it. That is my life: being pregnant (which takes up so much more time than I previously thought) with brief interludes for work and fandom. Life!!


Jun. 2nd, 2017 06:22 pm
kinoface: (嵐:Ohmiya)
Pregnancy things. )

Non-spoilery Arashi thoughts, with possible spoilery thoughts to follow in a later post once I've finished watching everything: THEY ARE WONDERFUL AND I LOVE THEM, AND BOTH OF THOSE ARE UNDERSTATEMENTS.

NinoEx thoughts: Dear god I need to be busy writing this weekend. I NEED TO BE.

School thoughts: All my grades are in and I got a 4.0 which makes me so happy I could scream because pulling it off while dragging my way through the first trimester was no easy feat. My only regret is that I took the credit/no credit option for my GE course so that I could slack off a little but I ended up getting 92% anyway so I might as well have just gone with a letter grade and boosted my GPA, but oh well!

Work thoughts: I'm returning to the Writing Lab for the summer (♥!), and I also picked up another student via a tutoring company that's paying me $22/hour, holy crap. It's only for four weeks (or at least, the one student I'm tutoring will only need me for four weeks, but it's possible that I'll pick up other students in that time or afterwards) but we're meeting for six hours a week so that's a hefty chunk of change, which is good because we REALLY need it right now.

Ummmm I think that's everything. OFF TO TRY AND WORK ON NINOEX.


Apr. 10th, 2017 10:01 am
kinoface: (☾:Ami: well actually...)
→ Fifteen weeks and officially into my second trimester!! Lentl is healthy and moves around a lot although I can't feel it yet. And it happened for the first time: the other day someone looked at me and asked, "Are you expecting?"

→ I should find out the sex next month, which is exciting to me even though it's not going to change how I treat or raise this kid. I just want to know everything there is to know because when it comes to finding things out, I am an extremely impatient person!!!

→ My energy is slowly starting to come back. I still get winded very easily, but I don't wake up tired anymore, which is a nice change. I'm also feeling a lot less nauseous. I haven't thrown up even once this whole time, thank sparkle, but I was queasy pretty much constantly, and now I only feel like that if I go way too long without eating. I'm also not getting lightheaded as much, but instead I get really nasty headaches all the time (though switching pillows has helped a lot) and really bad heartburn, and also my goddamn hips hurt. All normal pregnancy stuff.

→ Cravings and aversions have both settled down, and so has my pickiness, though there are some things I still just don't find appealing even if they didn't bother me before. I also still feel like my senses of smell and taste are stronger than they were pre-pregnancy, so it's kind of like ... I don't have those cravings or aversions that seem to come out of nowhere -- at least not as much as I did -- but my palette has definitely changed. My current favorite thing to eat is a toasted bagel topped with butter, mustard, and grilled sandwich meat. The bread and butter and meat all have these nice mellow flavors and then the mustard adds this bit of tanginess to it, and I never would have paid attention to that kind of thing before but now I just can't enjoy it unless the amount of mustard is exactly right. It feels very weird, but it has its pros and cons; on one hand, I don't enjoy a lot of the food I used to, so that's a bummer, but on the other hand, I feel like I now get more enjoyment out of the food I do enjoy. So, hey, not complaining.

→ INB's mom is making me crazy. Every symptom I mention, every slight change in the way my body looks, is apparently an indicator of some characteristic the baby is going to have. For instance, the other day I told her about my heartburn and she insisted that means the baby is going to be super hairy. This kind of shit bugs me endlessly but I try to let it go because I know some people think it's fun or whatever, but what really pisses me off is that I say stuff like "oh well the doctor said it's normal, the progesterone makes a lot of things relax including your esophagus so it's easier for stomach acid to work its way up" and then she ROLLS HER EYES and looks at me like I'm a goddamn idiot for believing that nonsense. Really?? Really????? I'm tempted to keep a journal of all the predictions she makes so I can laugh about it later as I tear up the pages and throw them in a fire, because I'm a petty bitch.

→ Anyway.



Mar. 13th, 2017 01:09 pm
kinoface: (☾:Usagi: ehhh!?)
→ Currently in week 11. Lentl is lime-sized and has a full set of organs, plus a gelatinous skeleton and the beginnings of nails and hair. It's hard to tell when I'm upright, but when I'm lying flat on my back, I can feel where my tummy is starting to round out.

→ Last week I started panicking because my cramps were happening more frequently and, more importantly, my nausea and food aversions went away very suddenly. They're supposed to go away around 13 weeks but I was only 10 1/2, at which point it can be a sign that important pregnancy hormones aren't at the levels they should be, i.e. impending miscarriage, so I was getting really worried in the days leading up to my next appointment. The night before the appointment, I could barely sleep because I kept having the same nightmare over and over again. But I'm fine, and Lentl is fine, and I got to hear the heartbeat (!!!!), and the doctor explained that sometimes symptoms just go away for a while. And, of course, now they're back with a vengeance: was super nauseous last night, almost couldn't handle the mere sight of my dinner, am back to barely being able to keep my gingery prenatal pills down, etc. Good times.

→ Been getting a lot of headaches, probably due to dehydration. I've been buying juice boxes as a way to get more fluid but mostly I'm trying to drink more water. It's just so damn hard.

→ Speaking of things that are so damn hard: I MADE A DENTIST APPOINTMENT. UHHHH. I have an irrational and soul-sucking fear of going to the dentist. Like I sometimes have nightmares about all of my teeth falling out, and recently a friend of mine chipped one of his front teeth and I could barely look at him -- not because I was embarrassed of/for him or anything like that but because all I could think about was the thought of it happening to me and then having to deal with it. I realize that's pretty silly but what can you do!! Anyway I have a fucking toothache that I've been ignoring for a very long time but now that I have Lentl I don't want to risk getting an infection sfdksjdfhsjkfh so I CALLED AND MADE AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE A DENTIST FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER A DECADE OH MY GOD???? I feel like I'm gonna break out in hives just thinking about it, and the one thing keeping me together when I do think about it is that because I am pregnant, I'll only be doing what's absolutely necessary and everything else will be ignored indefinitely postponed until later. So. There's that.


→ New food aversions: anything is fair game at any given moment. I'm just so picky. Normally I'm not picky at all, but now I'll get super hungry and only one thing will sound at all appetizing and the thought of anything else makes me want to retch. My strategy has been to buy mostly shelf-stable and freezable things because otherwise maybe cucumbers or bananas or roasted chicken will sound great at the supermarket and then I get home and can't stand it for a week and it just goes bad, which sucks. Basically eating is a real mystery.

→ New food cravings: My one solace has been toasted sourdough with butter and strawberry jam, which is always good and which I am always in the mood for. Also JAPANESE FOOD!!!! I can't have raw fish which is fine (I mean it's okay or whatever) but I've been DREAMING about chicken katsu donburi and tempura vegetables and prawn and ume shiso maki and sunomono and sdflkjdshjfhlkjdf

→ School is much, much harder when I'm constantly fatigued and just want to lie down, but I'm gonna try and get some homework done now. BLERGH.


Feb. 25th, 2017 07:31 pm
kinoface: (嵐: frolicking)
Pregnancy things!!

→ Today I am nine weeks!! That means my little lentil is approximately the size of a cherry and I have created, from scratch, a full set of organs including a heart that's currently beating 165 times per minute. Next week I'll be making a skeleton. A SKELETON!!!!!

→ We are currently calling the baby Lentl, as in "lentil" -- the size it was when we found out -- but more Jewish.

→ Due date is September 30. Waah!! I keep joking that it's a month too late to be the Second Coming of MJ, but in all seriousness, I'm really happy about the possibility that this baby could be born on September 25, the day my mom died AS WELL AS the birthday of H, whom I finally got to see, after years of missing him intensely, on what I would later find out was the exact day this little egg attached itself to me and settled in for the long haul. I keep telling him he was the good luck charm, that little Lentl saw him and said "Yup, this seems like a good place to be," and to have this kiddo come into the world sharing a birthday with him would be amazing. So anyway I'm crossing my fingers!!

→ Food aversions so far: pho from a place I used to love, olives (too salty), ginger (just the taste/smell/thought of it makes me gag), pizza (gave me the worst heartburn I've had in my life, not touching it again), salad (but not vegetables, just ... salad), my prenatal pills unfortunately, anything I eat too much of which means I have to be real careful with foods I actually like

→ Food cravings so far: McDonald's burgers, potato salad, ketchup, sour cream, strawberry pancakes, cucumber sandwiches, Israeli-style bourekas

→ This morning:
sister in law: When you get further along and you start craving weird things --
INB: Oh, she's already there.
me: (pouring a mountain of shredded cheese over a hot dog) What do you mean?

→ Sometimes I'm queasy and nothing helps; sometimes I feel fine; sometimes I'm starving and two bites of something will make me feel like I've eaten an entire viking feast; sometimes the only thing that will make me not be hungry anymore is a literal viking feast. Every day is a different puzzle!!

→ Some days I'm so fatigued I can barely get out of bed, but mostly I'm okay, just tired as hell.

→ People say "The great thing about being pregnant is that you don't have to deal with your period for nine months!" and they never mention that you get what feel like pre-period cramps every fucking day as your uterus grows.

→ I haven't really started showing yet and also I haven't gained ANY weight yet (I'm the exact same weight I was the day I did the test which is wacky considering I usually fluctuate from day to day) but somehow I can barely fit into my jeans. I went out yesterday to buy a new pair of leggings because they're the only thing that's comfortable anymore. ???

I think that's it!! Exciting stuff!! I'm eating homemade enchiladas and they're delicious but what I really want is strawberry pancakes drenched in butter!!!!!!


Feb. 4th, 2017 05:57 pm
kinoface: (☾:Usagi: ehhh!?)
Some things:

* can't remember the last time I wasn't hungry
* I have to pee an awful lot
* mandatory weight gain
* cramps that are mild but everyday -- but mild -- but everyday
* today I started crying at the drop of a hat

That's right, LJ/DW: I'm pregnant!!!!!

It happened ... kind of by accident, by which I mean that we stopped actively trying because the antibiotics I took for my throat last summer fucked up my whole body and it became impossible for me to tell when I was ovulating, but we never went back to using condoms, and then lo and behold one day I'm a week late and suddenly hate the taste of olives. etc )
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